Tag: advent

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The Rebellion Advent Calendar: Day Seventeen

On the seventeenth day of December, the year of our lord 2015, The Santa Wars takes a turn for the bizarre.

Rudolf, the rebel leader, charges the Claus compound with his most trusted reindeer lieutenants. A huge shadow looms over Santa’s home, and as they approach they see it is a Christmas cracker roughly the size of an articulated lorry.

Years of Yuletide conditioning kick in. The reindeer split into teams and heave on each end of the cracker, desperate to win the prize within, to tell the joke, to don what they can only assume must be a giant paper crown.

They pull, and they pull, and they pull…

And there is a mighty explosion. The reindeer are thrown clear of the compound, their attack thwarted. An enormous screwdriver set buries itself in the snow, missing Rudolf’s iconic red nose by millimetres.

A familiar sound booms out from the compound.

‘HO. HO. HO.’

*

Well that was unexpected. You know what else is unexpected? Cutting the price of Simon Guerrier’s excellent Afterblight Chronicles tale Fall Out to only 99p/99c!

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The Rebellion Advent Calendar: Day Sixteen

December 16. After a devastating loyalist counterattack on Roast Potato Road left an entire battalion of rebel elves covered in a thick layer of Christmas Pudding mixture, Rudolf is incensed.

‘Claus is dying,’ his spies tell him, confirming the rogue elf’s claims from the previous day. ‘He is weak. He is completely out of sherry.’

Rudolf knows he must strike hard, and strike now, but the bulk of his troops are simply too sticky to move. He comes to a decision, and calls out to his fellow reindeer.

‘Dancer, Prancer, Donner, Blitzen, to me!’ he cries. The battle hardened reindeer assemble. ‘Tonight we spare the elves and take the war to the Red One ourselves! The Santa War is in our own hooves!’

And with that, the reindeer are away, crashing through the well-entrenched lines toward Claus and a what they hope will be an end to the tinsellydestruction…

 *

Is the war finally ending? We don’t know, to be honest. Probably not just yet, eh? In the meantime, entertain yourself with a prime slice of Wendig. Yes, you can win a pristine copy of The Complete Double Dead – and it’s not even out until February!

To enter, simply head on over to Twitter and retweet us, or email rob.power@rebellion.co.uk. Good luck!

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The Rebellion Advent Calendar: Day Fifteen

Fifteen days into Advent, and only ten days to Christmas. In the North Pole, elf and reindeer alike wishes for an end to the Santa War, but none is in sight. 

Santa has retreated into himself, a shell of the mighty red overlord he once was. In the west, Rudolfite troops wielding rolls of wrapping paper with star-shaped Christmas Tree toppers on the end push back loyalist elves. The mince pie mines are unproductive. Turkey supplies are dangerously low. 

A lone loyalist, exhausted from trekking across no elf’s land, somehow reaches Rudolf’s command bunker. He is accosted by Red Nose’s guards, treated roughly.

‘Leave him,’ says the benevolent ruby-nosed leader. He turns to the intruder. ‘Why have you come, little elf?

‘It’s Santa,’ says the elf, struggling for breath. ‘He’s… I think he might be dying.’

*

Wow. Dark days in the North Pole, dark days indeed – but not as dark as the goings on that James Godd conjures up in Haterz. A tale of social media savagery unlike any other, if you’ve ever felt like you hate the internet and everybody on it (as we all have from time to time), then this is the book for you.

And it’s now only 99p/99c! Imagine that! Head over to Amazon and grab the eBook of Haterz for less than the price of… well, anything really. Go, before we change our minds!

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The Rebellion Advent Calendar: Day Fourteen

Advent is fourteen days old. The Santa Wars rumble on. 

Claus weeps, a shell of his magnificent former self. The sherry is gone, and with it his resolve. The Red One is inconsolable. Even one of Mrs Claus’s honey-cured hams can’t alleviate his malaise.

Across the Claus Compound the massed ranks of loyalist troops listen to the wails of their glorious leader. Sergeant Merrymittens, a legend among his troops, orders them to stand down.

‘Go back to your gingerbread cottages men,’ he says. ‘Wrap a present. Build a toy. Roast a bird. Enjoy the old ways while you still can. There will be no war today, but it’s coming, mark my words.’

In a dark corner of the compound, a lone elf slips through the guards and sprints off into the night, carrying with him news of the decline of Claus…

*

Where is this story going, exactly? We don’t know. Maybe you do. We’ll surely all find out soon enough, though. We anticipate some kind of resolution come Christmas Day, for some reason..

In the meantime, would you like to win an ARC of Clifford Beal’s excellent new sea-faring fantasy The Guns Of Ivrea? Of course you would!

To enter, either head over to Twitter and retweet us, or email rob.power@rebellion.co.uk with the word IVREA as the subject title. Good luck!

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The Rebellion Advent Calendar: Day Thirteen

‘Tis the thirteenth of the month, and as Christmas draws ever nearer, the Santa Wars grow increasingly fierce.

Rudolf, desperate for support in his manoeuvres against Claus the All-Seeing, has sent an envoy to the Easter Bunny. The terms that come back are not favourable. There will be no cross-holiday collaboration.

In the Claus compound, Mrs Claus takes to hiding the sherry. In victory, Claus has become ever more belligerent. In the yard, Sergeant Merrymittens breaks in fresh troops, readying them for Santa’s Big Push.

‘Tomorrow,’ slurs Claus to nobody in particular, shovelling a handful of roasted sprouts down his gullet. ‘Tomorrow we end this.’

*

Ok, so things are spiralling out of control up at the North Pole, but let’s get one thing clear: it’s Advent, and we’re celebrating every. Single. Day. 

And today, it’s Guy Haley day! Hooray! His two Solaris eBooks, Crash and Champion Of Mars, are now only 99p. If you like your SF brainy and bursting with action, you’d be a fool to miss out. A fool!

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Champion Of Mars is now only 99p!
Buy now: UK|US

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The Rebellion Advent Calendar: Day Twelve

It’s December 12th, and in the rebel lines just outside of the Claus compound, where once there was carolling there is now only suffering.

A young elf, a reserve up at the front for the first time, hears the tale from Corporal Brightbuttons.

‘We never stood a chance, lad. Baubles. Thousands of ‘em, stuffed with cinnamon and set to explode on delayed fuses. We was carolling, just as old Rudolf told us to, and they hit us right in as we were doing the ‘fa la las’ in Good King Wenceslas. The sky was full of exploding baubles and cinnamon, and let me tell you lad, it got right in our throats good and proper. Ain’t gonna be any carolling round these parts for a while.’

 ‘And that ain’t all – they reckon it was old Claus himself that dreamt that one up. Who’d have thunk it! Santa, stopping his own elves from singing the songs of the season!’

Behind him, Rudolf silently slips away. He has been walking among the men incognito, his nose blacked with shoe polish.

‘Santa,’ he growls, as he returns to his quarter. ‘You’ll pay for this cinnamon-y outrage…’

*

The horror! And yet, while a gob full of cinnamon is pretty bad, it’s nowhere near as terrifying as the things that Paul Meloy summoned forth in The Night Clock, his critically acclaimed novel that is now only 99p in eBook!

This book will blow your mind wide open, and we suggest you get it while it’s at this incredibly low price… Go go go!

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The Rebellion Advent Calendar: Day Eleven

Advent, day eleven, and after a relentless Rudolfite carolling barrage that kept Santa’s entire compound awake throughout the night, Claus the Merciless is in a foul mood.

‘Bring me the Decorators,’ he sneers at Sergeant Merrymittens, the recently decorated hero of Burnt Turkey Ridge. ‘Tell them to bring all the baubles they have.’

He has a plan, and there are gasps as Claus the All-Seeing explains it to his troops. At day’s end, an entire Decorators division is arrayed before the relentlessly Good King Wenceslas-ing Rudolfites.

‘Sir?’ says Merrymittens.

Claus gives the nod, and the Santa War will never be the same again…

*

War! What is it good for? How about military sci-fi, it’s pretty good for that, right? And nobody does it better than James Lovegrove, the king of all Godpunk, and a bestseller to boot.

For today’s Advent special offer, all James Lovegrove titles are half price in the Rebellion store, for a very limited time only. Go and grab yourself a god-damn bargain, and enjoy!

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The Rebellion Advent Calendar: Day Ten

10 December, and the Santa War continues in the North Pole.

The casualties from the Battle of Burnt Turkey Ridge pick candy cane shards out of their red and gold tunics. Morale among the Santa loyalists is low.

To the east, Rudolf’s rebels begin a relentless carolling campaign, singing around the clock in an attempt to deprive the enemy of sleep. Bells jingle endlessly. 

In Claus House, Santa gathers his brightest elves. He wants the war ended. It is decided: a mighty weapon will be built, something so great and terrible that it will bring Rudolf to heel and put Christmas back on track…

*

It’s looking bad in the North Pole, but worry not, for Christmas is on track here at Rebellion HQ. Today, we’re giving you a chance to win Silvia Moreno-Garcia’s most excellent Signal To Noise – yes, the Signal To Noise that was one of Buzzfeed’s best fantays books of 2015!

All you need to do to be in with a chance of winning is head over to our Facebook page and like our post, or retweet us on Twitter. Good luck!

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The Rebellion Advent Calendar: Day Nine

Advent, 9 December 2015: Santa Wars!

A loyalist Elf batallion shivers in the trenches beyond Burnt Turkey Ridge. They clutch sharpened candy canes and await the rebels. Word comes down that Rudolfite troops are headed right for them. 

‘Remember what we’re fighting for, lads,’ says Sergeant Merrymittens. ‘Presents under trees! Drinking before midday! Eating so much you feel sick! Christmas, damnit, we’re fighting for Christmas!’

The ragged elven cheer is shortlived. The rebels, led by Colonel Prancer, smash into their flank. Candy canes crack; baubles rain down on defender and attacker alike; elf battles elf. 

‘For Santa!’ cries Merrymittens, hurling himself at a charging reindeer. 

For a time, all is chaos, and violence, and tinsel. 

…and then it’s over. The battlefield is strewn with broken baubles and slightly scratched elves.

On Burnt Turkey Ridge, in a heavily fortified bunker of triple-baked ginger bread, Claus surveys the destruction. 

‘Rudolf,’ he whispers, a single tear rolling down his rosy red cheek. ‘What have I done…’

*

War is hell people. But you know what’s actually kind of great? Advent, that’s what! And today we’re celebrating with another awesome offer: Al Ewing’s Death Got No Mercy eBook is now only 99p/ppc! 

Can you resist a book that has a man punching a bear on the cover, especially after our rousing tale of elf versus reindeer? OF COURSE YOU CAN’T! So head on over to Amazon and get yourself involved. And don’t forget to check back tomorrow for another Rebellion Advent special…

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The Rebellion Advent Calendar: Day Eight

Eight days of December have passed. On a snow-swept plain outside of Santa’s gated manse, Claus the Mighty, leather whip in his hand, stares down Rudolf.

‘End this madness, old friend,’ says the Father of all Christmas. ‘Let the strikes cease and let us celebrate Yuletide together. Ho, ho, ho.’

Rudolf is unmoved. The rest of the reindeer nervously shift about on the snow behind him, making an almighty mess in the process. 

‘No,’ says Rudolf (because, of course, he can speak). ‘We want rights, Santa, and a proper holiday allowance, and fair pay for a fair Christmas.’

‘So be it,’ says Claus. 

The whip cracks. Prancer throws himself in front of Rudolf, shielding the Reindeer leader from the whip. There are gasps, then shouts. Claus retreats with a handful of loyal elves. A single tear rolls down Rudolf’s face. 

‘What have you done, Santa…’

*

Well that was all rather dramatic wasn’t it? If you fancy reading a story that doesn’t involve a gradually escalating industrial dispute in the North Pole, then perhaps we can interest you in our massive Tomes Of The Dead Advent Sale Spectacular!

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