Tag: extinctionbiome

A Global Famine? The Twin Crises of the Agricultural World

The Financial Times, 4th March 2035

The “Archaeobiome” is the latest buzzword in scientific study. But is it something the rest of us should be more worried about?

So far, the threat’s been fairly low-key. The locust armadillo, a tiny shelled animal about an inch and a half long – although apparently they’re getting larger – was first spotted in Nigerian maize fields four years ago. It’s now seen in six different Sub-Saharan African nations and in a stripe right across South America. So far, they’ve been a nuisance more than anything, but their numbers have grown every summer, and projections of this summer’s brood aren’t hopeful.

Which wouldn’t be too alarming on its own if it wasn’t due to meet the spread, from America’s Mid-West and parts of Europe’s Mediterranean farming regions, of a new strain of colonising fungus. Savanomycetes coccinea, a fast-growing red bloom that chokes out other plant life and – most alarmingly – apparently lives on plastics and petrochemicals, has so far been susceptible to regular pesticides, but it’s reportedly adapting quickly, and a few crops have already come up short the past year or two.

So agribusiness has taken hits before – the loss of the Gros Michel cultivar of bananas in the 1950s comes to mind – and survived. Is this any different? Well, with President Fredericks reportedly in closed talks with the WTO and World Bank on an undisclosed matter, betting money says this is likely to be a volatile market – and a real threat to economic and political stability – in coming years.

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CEO of Northern Brook Resigns Amid Parasite Scandal

The Washington Post, 22nd June 2034

Nathan Hendrix, the CEO of soft drinks company Northern Brook, resigned today amid reports he was aware of the contamination of his company’s bottled water with the Archaean Parasite as early as January this year.

Following the discovery in March that two major bottled water brands had been contaminated with the so-called “Archaean Parasite,” a major CDC and FDA investigation uncovered evidence last month, as we’ve previously reported, that the contamination appears to have been deliberate. Further investigation has revealed that in at least one case, senior management were aware of the contamination as early as last winter and took no steps to report or attempt to deal with the contamination.

Millions of bottles of Northern Brook’s Northern Brook Spring Water and Beverco’s Clan Claddagh Natural Mineral Water around the world are believed to be contaminated with the Parasite – tentatively named Toxoplasma archaii – previously exclusively associated with Ancient Springs’ Archaean Water.

Thus far, no harmful effects are known to be associated with the Parasite, and devotees of Archaean Water, who claim it promotes empathy, emotional intelligence and mental wellbeing, have been quick to embrace the organism’s discovery, claiming it has a beneficial part to play in symbiosis with the human race. Pills and powders containing the Parasite are available through homeopathic and natural remedies stores as a nutritional supplement.

A spokesman for Nathan Hendrix earlier gave this statement: “Mr. Hendrix only wished to avoid public panic, especially given that the water is apparently entirely safe for human consumption. In hindsight, he regrets his decision and any harm it may have brought to Northern Brook’s reputation, and wishes his former employers and shareholders well.” The spokesman declined to comment on any severance package Hendrix may have agreed with Northern Brook.

At time of writing, Northern Brook has yet to reply to request for comment.

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Want to know more? Check out Extinction Biome: Invasion.

Terror-jaw

This article refers to the Archaean predator. For the 2030s Boston-based punk-pop band, see Terror-Jaw (Band).

Some of the content of this article may be original research. Please help by finding citations for it.

A terror-jaw (also known as a shark-dog[1] or bullet-raptor[2]) or Pseudoraptor georgii[citation needed] is a small,[citation needed] warm-blooded[3] predator[citation needed] first observed in suburban Brownsville in Texas, United States in 2033,[4] although their current range is believed[by whom?] to extend as far as Florida and California. Hairless, thick-skinned quadrupeds with larger hind limbs than forelimbs, a large balancing tail and a crested skull, they bear a superficial resemblance to “raptor” dinosaurs, although terror-jaws are currently still unclassified in biology.[citation needed]

Appearance and Anatomy [edit]

Terror-jaws have thick, hairless hides similar to pachyderms,[5] with colouring from brown to grey-brown to black observed,[6] although whether these shades represent different subspecies or just individual variation is uncertain.[citation needed] No specimens have yet been found with any sort of fur or hair; the distinctive patterns of growth discernible on most terror-jaws’ hides was found, by researcher Julio-Maria Mendes in February 2032, to be a form of benign parasite similar to whale-lice.[7] Terror-jaws are relatively small,[citation needed] with no confirmed specimen yet found more than 102cm from the snout to the tip of the tail,[citation needed] although eyewitness reports[by whom?] suggest creatures up to twice that length may exist.

The high crested skull differs significantly from individual to individual, although it has been theorised[by whom?] that some variation is due to trauma, as terror-jaws are frequently observed[citation needed] butting each other with their skulls. Terror-jaws are polyphyodont, with individual specimens so far found to have between 56 and 108 sharp, narrow teeth in up to three rows.[8][9]

Diet and Behaviour [edit]

Terror-jaws are carnivorous[citation needed] and predatory,[citation needed] relying chiefly on birds and rodents for their diets, although conflicting reports[by whom?] suggest they will attack larger prey and survive by scavenging.[citation needed] Terror-jaws appear to hunt in small packs,[10] although larger, older animals may become solitary and territorial.[11]

Life Cycle [edit]

Terror-jaws are oviparous, laying eggs in clutches of at least three or four,[12] although significantly larger numbers have been noted.[by whom?] Reports are inconsistent as to the size of terror-jaw eggs, varying between 5-6mm[13] and 35-65mm.[14]

Classification [edit]

Main article: Taxonomy of the Archaeobiome

Warm-blooded, hairless, scaleless, oviparous and polyphyodont, terror-jaws have so far eluded classification.[15][16] In their paper “On the Classification of Pseudoraptor, Pseudodasypus and Neogorgonopsia,”[17] Drs. Emma Chambers and Lu Xiuchang of Magdelene College, Cambridge proposed that all three new animals be assigned to an entirely new biological class under Tetrapoda, tentatively named Archaea.

The classification is fiercely debated,[18] with strong support for Chambers and Xiuchang’s proposal from advocates of the Archaeobiome theory.[19]

See also [edit]

• Locust Armadillo

• Bird-Dog

• The Archaeobiome

• Cryptozoology

Would you like to know more? Check out Extinction Biome: Invasion

INVASION! Army of GIANT WASPS to hit Britain this Summer

The Express, 19th September 2032

An army of GIANT SUPER-WASPS is scheduled to hit British shores this summer, The Express can report.

The wasp, an unusually large and aggressive strain, was first identified in 2028 in Brazil, where it apparently spread into rural areas from the Amazon basin. Scientists think the insect is native to the deep rainforest and has changed its breeding and migration patterns in response to the recent string of heatwaves in the region, but haven’t ruled out the possibility that the wasps, which appear to belong to an ENTIRELY NEW SPECIES, has arisen through mutation.

US and Brazilian authorities insist there’s little chance the wasp will spread significantly further than it already has, but Dr. Jordan Hargreaves of the Institute for Environmental Studies in Leeds confirms: “Wasps like this lay eggs wherever they can. Imported fruit from the region could be carrying eggs; it’s not impossible the new strain will prove to be a parasitic wasp, laying its eggs in other insects, even livestock animals. We should be prepared for the likelihood they will appear in Britain in the near future.”

The Foreign Office has not replied to a request for comment.

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