The futility of it all: couples in SFF
11th February 2016
Like winter on Westeros, Valentine’s Day is coming. Yes, the randomly allocated festival of love is upon us, and we must suckle at its gaudy red teat.
To celebrate this auspicious occasion, we’re taking a look at some of the most famous couples in SFF and asking: is all the fuss really worth it? Would spending the day alone, in comfy pants, surrounded by empty crisp packets, really be so bad?
Let’s find out, shall we…
Han and Leia
Current status: Separated
A taste of things to come.
Top of the pops when it comes to SFF couples has to be Han ‘not a great dad, TBH’ Solo and Leia ‘the general’ Organa. Their love conquered all: incest, slavery, freezing in carbonite, Ewok interference – there was literally nothing in the galaxy that could keep them apart. And yet, once the dust settled on Endor, reality set in. Leia had a Resistance to run, Han had stuff to smuggle for… whoever. The point is, neither of them could be arsed in the end, and even a clearly needy and emotionally fragile child couldn’t keep them together.
Hermione and Ron
Current status: Divorced (rumoured)
The truth dawns on Ron.
If there was ever a relationship that was meant to last, it was this one. Forged in adversity, built on mutual trust and admiration, friendship flowering into young love – Grainger and Weasley were good to go. And yet (at least as far as Rupert Grint is concerned), this celebrity Gryffindor marriage ended in divorce. It’s not surprising really, seeing as even JK Rowling wasn’t sure these two should be together, but still. Disappointing. Are we the only ones who think Hermione and Harry are at it behind Ginny’s back? Of course we aren’t. Because they definitely are.
Eddard and Catelyn
Current status: Dead
Just look at all that simmering resentment.
Oh Ned. Oh Cat. You poor dead bastards. Where did it all go wrong? Oh sure, they seemed happy, but were they really? Perhaps – and we’re just spitballing here – the betrayal that Catelyn felt over Ned bringing home an (alleged) bastard in the form of Jon Snow led to an insurmountable breach of trust that coloured their entire relationship. As a result, Ned didn’t listen to his wife, Cat made all manner of wild accusations, and things just… escalated. Result? Westeros in ruins, Stark children tossed to the four winds, corpses everywhere. Thanks guys.
Aragorn and Arwen
Current status: Dead/diminished
Elves: bitter.
As relationships go, Aragorn and Arwen’s beats the trajectory of most British couple’s lives (met while drunk, texted a lot, got married, died), and yet it is still wholly unsatisfactory. The real problem here is mortality: Aragorn lives for 200-odd years – a good innings by any stretch – but still ultimately dies, leaving Arwen to wander the world alone, wearing a floaty dress and mourning her shoddy life choices. Impossible to conceive that she died anything other than a very bitter elf.