CEO of Northern Brook resigns amid parasite scandal
9th June 2016
CEO of Northern Brook Resigns Amid Parasite Scandal
The Washington Post, 22nd June 2034
Nathan Hendrix, the CEO of soft drinks company Northern Brook, resigned today amid reports he was aware of the contamination of his company’s bottled water with the Archaean Parasite as early as January this year.
Following the discovery in March that two major bottled water brands had been contaminated with the so-called “Archaean Parasite,” a major CDC and FDA investigation uncovered evidence last month, as we’ve previously reported, that the contamination appears to have been deliberate. Further investigation has revealed that in at least one case, senior management were aware of the contamination as early as last winter and took no steps to report or attempt to deal with the contamination.
Millions of bottles of Northern Brook’s Northern Brook Spring Water and Beverco’s Clan Claddagh Natural Mineral Water around the world are believed to be contaminated with the Parasite – tentatively named Toxoplasma archaii – previously exclusively associated with Ancient Springs’ Archaean Water.
Thus far, no harmful effects are known to be associated with the Parasite, and devotees of Archaean Water, who claim it promotes empathy, emotional intelligence and mental wellbeing, have been quick to embrace the organism’s discovery, claiming it has a beneficial part to play in symbiosis with the human race. Pills and powders containing the Parasite are available through homeopathic and natural remedies stores as a nutritional supplement.
A spokesman for Nathan Hendrix earlier gave this statement: “Mr. Hendrix only wished to avoid public panic, especially given that the water is apparently entirely safe for human consumption. In hindsight, he regrets his decision and any harm it may have brought to Northern Brook’s reputation, and wishes his former employers and shareholders well.” The spokesman declined to comment on any severance package Hendrix may have agreed with Northern Brook.
At time of writing, Northern Brook has yet to reply to request for comment.
WaveSpace this article • Bark it! • Comment • Save
Related Stories:
• Archaean Water: the latest celebrity fad
• Major bottled water brands infected by Parasite
• No, the Onyx River organism isn’t a “Parasite,” it’s a gift
• The New American Communes
Want to know more? Check out Extinction Biome: Invasion.